Winning Child Custody

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Child Custody – Help!

by Child Custody Center Staff

Chris asks…

Child Custody case family question?

When, there is a child custody case. How much weight does the family around the actual parent’s of the child in question hold, for example.

Dad of child has two working parents house paid off. Works as a law enforcement officer /w a Criminal Justice degree on top of that. Also has a place of his own and a steady relationship (engaged to a student in graduate school studying for a degree in marriage consulting)..

Mother- No college education, No job, lives with step Mom/Dad dad is a convicted felon drugs mostly. Also mother has a sister in an abusive relationship and a trigger happy drug happy brother convicted of spousal abuse.

My questions are : How strongly would the judge look at that kind of family background around the two parents when making a decision? As well as would I being a Law Enforcement Officer help or worsen my chances?

The reason I’m asking is I’m debating going to custody for my child as the father because her life would be more stable with me financially and emotionally. Just curious what kind of chance I would have. As i know its not very often they take a child from the mother.

Child Custody Center Staff answers:

Almost anything that can affect the child concerns “the best interests of the child,” which is the legal test for custody. Family life is important and is a factor, but unless the current environment is poor, like the step dad is still engaging in criminal activity or the kids are lacking in quality of life (food, shelter, etc) then a Judge will not put a lot of weight in the external family that is around the kids. Don’t let that stop you from pursuing custody though. At a minimum, getting joint custody would be a very good goal. Good Luck Chris….

Jenny asks…

UNMARRIED CHiLD CUSTODY?

Before i begin, i apologize for this being so long. I am right now, 13 weeks pregnant by my fiance i have been together with over 2 years. Recently, he has been very abusive, has not had a job since July, the water just got cut off in our townhouse, goes to churches to ask them to pay his electricity bill that has been very expensive from him never paying it before i moved in with him, is not paying for any of my medical care, and I, even though being pregnant am providing for him with my small part time job. Paying his gas, his food, buying him whatever i can afford. He complains that i dont help clean the house because when i am not working, i’m sleeping from the exhaustion of my body developing a baby, which many pregnancy books has said on my defense that me sitting on the couch watching tv, my body is still working harder than he is body building. He constantly picks fights with me, constantly acts like a little kid and annoys me (as in playing the i’m not touching you’ game). Well, i have tried to give him many chances for the baby’s sake, but by this time, i’d be better off living on the streets than being in a household or anywhere around him. I live in illinois, and my mom just let me move in with her and offered to move into her new house she just bought in the suburbs in las vegas, 20 minutes away from the city. Of coarse, i am going to take her up on that offer, knowing that she will never ever harm me or my child, but my ex is trying to say that 1, the court will not allow me to move out of the state with his child, and 2 fathers in illinois have custody over their children more than the mothers do. i laughed in his face when he said that, and have done research, but i will need some extra help for me to know all of my rights. I am not an unfit mother, i am not on drugs, i do not smoke cigarettes or marijuana, before i became pregnant i drank occasionally, i have my education (unfortunately no college education, i became pregnant before i was able to find a good school after graduating last may). He on the other hand, is a high school drop out, every cop knows his name, he has 4 felonies on his record, has no job, horrible credit, screwed over many money loan companies, overdrew on every bank account he had as much as he could, (since i have been 18 i have never even had a credit card) i feel like i have a higher chance of keeping my child? are you with me? could people please help me out and give me resources?

Child Custody Center Staff answers:

Move NOW while the child isn’t born yet!!! Of course, even after your baby is born he cannot stop you from moving within the county and since you were never married, it’s highly unlikely that a judge would ever tell you that you can’t move with the child.

Please do NOT let this guy move in with you and your mom under any circumstance!

Donna asks…

Can I take custody of my child if I am on probation for a drug charge?

The mother’s house is absolutely filthy, with roaches and an unclean monkey. The mother pawns him off on everybody, while I would have somebody to take care of him permanently. We are not married yet but plan to do so. I don’t know whether the mother uses the child support money I give her for the things he needs. Today she asked for twenty dollars extra so she could get him some new clothes when I bought him clothes just last week. I will add more details later, but believe me when I say the place is filthy. I am on probation for a drug charge currently. I make more money than she does, and she is diagnosed as bi-polar. Please help!
(I am actually writing this for the father, who is my significant other – which explains why my avatar is female. I will be the one to take care of his son while he works.)

Child Custody Center Staff answers:

Unfortunately, your chances are slim even without the drug charges.

You can try calling child services on her (you can do this anonymously) but all they told us was that if the kids are fed and have clothes on their back and aren’t being abused, there is nothing they will do. They said just because OUR idea of well taken care of was different from hers didn’t mean she wasn’t capable of caring for her kids.

My suggestion is this, start PLANNING to try. Start a journal. Write down EVRYTHING. Phone conversations, extra money you give her, take pictures of the house if you can, and record all the times YOU care for the children or that you know she has pawned them off on other people. (I have a calendar showing all the days and nights my fiance’s children are left with people instead of being with their mother). ANYTHING to make her look bad.

Build your case. Invest in this book if you can…

http://custodycenter.org/custodyresourceguide

And you may need to wait until you are married unless the mother also has a live-in boyfriend. Technically living together unmarried can be considered immoral, and courts often hold that against an otherwise wonderful parent. I’m not saying it will make or break the case, but it is a strike against you.

Cases like ours show just have ridiculus the court system can be. Fathers get all the blame even when they are trying to care for their children. Just wait until you try to say she’s a bad mother, you will catch all kinds of crap. (Try not to pull the “Bad Mother” card, as it often backfires)

Good luck to your b/f and good luck to you. If only you had a clue how much crap you are going to have to put up with from this woman for the rest of your life! But sometimes its worth it.

Tyler asks…

Obtaining past guardianship records in a child custody case?

We (father’s side) are fighting for custody of a little girl. The mother has three children with different fathers, the youngest is the subject of this particular battle.

I can see in the public records that just before the youngest was born, the two other children were put into the care of the grandparents for a year. The Iowa courts show that the grandparents petitioned and were awarded guardianship. It is marked as Involuntary Guardianship.

It is my understanding that courts don’t generally award involuntary guardianship without significant proof that the parent is unfit. “Clear and convincing evidence for determining incompetency is required for establishment of a guardianship.”

Some of our arguments in our custody case are the mother’s instability and mental health (untreated bipolar).

What is the process to get details on this guardianship case? Would we be able to use that information to help establish a history of instability?
We do have a lawyer starting this week, but we have a million questions, so I like to put questions out there to try and get differant peoples answers and experience
the father’s side means the father

Child Custody Center Staff answers:

The father has the right to a petition, and perhaps to obtain information about the guardianship. Sorry this is so vague. Without more information I can’t give you any substantial answer. Please look up a local attorney. Your state bar website should have resources for you to get started.

Temporary Child Custody and Why You Need to Take This Very Seriously

by Child Custody Center Staff

in Temporary Custody

If you are considering divorce or are in the process and have children then please read this article. Hopefully you and your ex have a civil relationship and recognize that your kids need both of you. Unfortunately, divorces are typically bitter and child custody battles for kids even worse because parents often put their children in the middle and use them as pawns (please do not do this). In this article I’m going to explain why temporary child custody is so important to your future and your ultimate success in winning custody of your children.

The first critical step in the custody process is negotiating a fair Temporary Custody Agreement with your ex. I want to really emphasize that you should treat this initial process as if it were permanent. The term temporary is so misleading and quite often has negative outcomes for parents who do not realize the importance of this part of the custody process.

At the beginning of a divorce proceeding, custody is temporarily awarded by a judge in a family court or through a written agreement between the parents (you don’t have to have a lawyer, but I recommend it.) Either way, make sure that you have the agreement in writing. If you do settle informally, please do not give in to unreasonable demands of your ex just to avoid going to court, because the result could have a long lasting effect on your living environment and relationship with your kids.

Here is an example of what I’m talking about: A typical divorce and custody proceeding can take months if not years to settle. So if you voluntarily give temporary custody to your ex with the idea that you will negotiate formal custody later and expect for it to be fair, then you could be in for a big disappointment. If it takes a year or even 6 months to settle your divorce proceedings, that is 6-12 months of your kids getting settled into a new routine with everything focused primarily on your ex’s schedule, not yours.

When a judge finally gets around to making a ruling, your ex’s attorney will of course argue that your kids have been in an established living environment and schedule for 6 months now and that it makes complete sense to award custody to that parent. The majority of the time judges will agree and award custody to the established custodial parent. It is easy to justify this ruling since it is “in the best interest of the children” to keep their routines as stable as possible.

There are two things I really want you to remember, one is to completely ignore the term temporary and treat it as if it is the real thing. It is very difficult to change custody once it is established. The old saying, “possession is 9/10 of the law” is totally relevant in this situation. The second is that when you go to a family court, the proceeding will typically be very short and you will not have had much time to prepare, so make sure you do your research and know what to ask for. Don’t give in on all your ex’s demands just because you feel guilty or pressured. This is your life to and you are entitled to spend time with your kids.

If you want to arm yourself with proven strategies that will significantly increase your chances of Winning Custody of the most important people on this earth, “Your Children”, then please fill out the form in the sidebar with your first name and email address and we’ll email it to you right away.

Write this motto down, “If you persist you will succeed.” and don’t ever give up, your children are counting on you!

We wish you all the best,

Child Custody Center Staff